I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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