my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
