Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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