There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
