dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
