??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dick very happy bro
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize