Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
