I cannot find my penis.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
