I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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