Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
