just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
