I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I want her autograph on my taint
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize