Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
