I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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