3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
