You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
