i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
