I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
