We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize