so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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