i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
