Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
