I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
