The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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