But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
