How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
