i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
