We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize