Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
