Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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