3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
