you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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