I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
