So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
