for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
