Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
