Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
