She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
