There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
