I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
