Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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