chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize