i would punch a child for taco bell
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
