I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
