Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
