AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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