You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
