like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
