We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
