A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
