nut hugger
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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