yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
