toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
