put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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