So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
