He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
