i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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