finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The struggles of a small town man whore
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