Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That accounts for only three of the penises
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
