You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
