I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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