i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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