I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
