Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
